last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
