If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
A+ Viking dick
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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