get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
