Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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