Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
