i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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