He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
