I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
