i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
