guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
