She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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