I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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