We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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