Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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