Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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