I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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