low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
