His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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