i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Brb crying the tears of my youth
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
