Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
