oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
