I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
