Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
