Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
