I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
