your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
