I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
