Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
