You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
