xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
