He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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