I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize