I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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