If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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