nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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