she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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