I'm drive I can fine osifer
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
