Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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