I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Randomize