the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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