ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize