I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
