My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
