i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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