I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I want is dick and wine.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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