we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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