someone owes me an orgasm
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
