so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
