took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
