There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
