I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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