Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
