I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
