Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
