Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
