two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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