You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
