Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
