whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ttyl tear gas
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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