dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
