Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
