I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
