If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
