I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
