First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
how does that bad decision feel?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
