You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
