So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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