Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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