So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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